Hidden Truths
by LMXB
Summary: Soon after the events in Tracker Jennifer becomes withdrawn leaving the others to question what has happened.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own SGA or the characters.

 **A/N:** This is a sequel to The Hunt and The Training Plan. Although it may not seem obvious at the start it does follow on from The Training Plan. It starts after Tracker. It will eventually be a Ronon - Jennifer story.

* * *

"Dr Keller?" Woolsey asked looking up from his computer. "Is there a problem?"

"Do you have a minute?"

"Um, of course, please come in." He said saving his report and giving his full attention to Jennifer. "There is still no news on Kiryk I'm afraid." He stated as he guessed the reason for Jennifer's visit.

"I know, well I assumed I would have heard if there had been."

"Well, quite." Woolsey agreed, when Jennifer said nothing else he asked. "Is Celise okay?"

"Yes, she is recovering very well."

"That's good." Woolsey commented. When Jennifer did not respond he shifted in his seat waiting patiently. When she continued sitting in silence he said.

"I am just finishing the report for your last mission, you handled yourself remarkably well. I am glad to see you are putting in so much training. I imagine it is not easy fitting it in round everything else." When Jennifer continued to sit silently he decided to be direct and asked.

"Dr Keller is there something I can help you with?"

"Um, yes." She said, before pausing as if she was drawing strength. Finally she said. "I would like to spend more time off world."

"Of course." Woolsey replied before his mind caught up with what he heard. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I would like to spend more time off world." Jennifer said, more confidently this time.

"Why?"

"Part of my role is to discover new technologies or techniques that could help the field."

"Which you do." Woolsey pointed out.

"Mainly from the infirmary. I let others in my team do the hard work, going off world, then I try to come up with a way of using their findings. I think the process would be more efficient if I spent more time off world, seeing effects and uses first hand."

"You are sure about this?" Woolsey asked. "I mean no offence when I say this, but you have not had the best track record stepping through the gate."

"I know. You think I am not capable?"

"Not at all. I think you are more than capable, but I would have thought you would prefer to not have the stress. If this is what you want I will support your decision."

"It is."

"When would you like to start?"

"Today?" Jennifer questioned.

"Dr Keller, has something happened to cause your sudden desire to go through the gate?" He asked concerned.

"No." Jennifer replied quickly, causing Woolsey to pin her with a long hard stare. When Jennifer remained unmoved he said.

"Very well. If you are sure. Colonel Sheppard's team is going to-"

"No." Jennifer suddenly interrupted.

"No?"

"I mean isn't it dangerous to have the heads of military, science and medicine all on the same mission?" Jennifer said.

"Well yes, but that never normally stops anyone here."

"As you said I have not had the best luck, isn't it best not to risk the majority of the senior staff?"

"Well, yes." Woolsey conceded. "Very well. Major Lorne is also leading a mission this afternoon, assuming you have no objections."

"None."

"Very well. The briefing is at ten."

"Thank you." Jennifer smiled as she stood.

"Dr Keller," Woolsey said. "I want you to know that if there is anything you want to talk about my door is always open."

"Thank you." Jennifer replied before leaving.

-00-

"Anything else?" John asked as the briefing drew to an end.

"As always I ask you not to start a war on another front." Woolsey said.

"I will do my best." John shrugged.

"Good. That will be all then." Woolsey said. As everyone stood he added. "Colonel Sheppard, could I speak to you privately?" The request causing everyone to stop and look at John. Looking back at his team he said.

"Go get ready." Before sitting down again.

Woolsey waited for everyone to go and the door to shut before saying. "I would like to discuss something, off the record."

"Um, sure." John said surprised with the request.

"I don't want what we are about to discuss to be discussed with anyone else, including your team."

"Okay." John said starting to feel uneasy.

"Have you or your team had any falling out with Dr Keller?"

"No. Why?" John questioned.

"She came to see me this morning and asked to go on more off-world missions."

"She did? That seems strange." John said.

"The strange part was when I suggested going with your team today she resisted."

"She say why?"

"Just that it was dangerous to have the heads of military, science and medicine all on the same mission, but it was clearly an excuse, albeit completely valid."

"So you grounded her?"

"No, she is going out with Major Lorne's team."

"Is that wise? If she is having issues she shouldn't be out on a mission."

"Normally I would agree, but the mission is a simple trade with a risk rating of two. I am hoping being on an uneventful mission will help."

"I don't like it." John said.

"I can tell, but she was adamant she wanted to go. I don't think it is wise to stop her. I have every confidence in Major Lorne. We are having this discussion so you can work out why she is trying to avoid your team. I will work on why she wants to go off world."

-00-

"What's wrong? The lack of kidnapping boring you?" Lorne asked, worried with how quiet Jennifer had been all mission.

"Sorry, what?" Jennifer asked as she was pulled from her thoughts.

"You okay doc?" Lorne asked.

"Why?"

"You have been a bit distant all mission."

"I'm fine." Jennifer assured him.

"Try to relax, we'll look after you." Lorne said. "It's about time you had a simple mission, try to enjoy it." When Jennifer didn't respond and seemed to be so lost in her thoughts the Major wasn't sure if she remembered he was there he reached out and grabbed her shoulder causing Jennifer to visibly flinch.

"Sorry." He said, quickly letting go, "didn't mean to pull you out of your thoughts so quickly. You just seemed to be somewhere else."

"It's fine. I was just thinking about my research." Jennifer said.

"Right, okay then. I'll leave you to it then."

-00-

"Welcome back Colonel." Woolsey said as John's team walked through the gate.

"Woolsey." John nodded. "As hoped, no new wars." He grinned.

"That's good. If there is nothing urgent, head to the infirmary and we'll debrief in two hours."

"Sounds like a plan." John said noticing Ronon and Rodney were rushing out of the control room. Throwing a suspicious look at their backs he noted he should query their rush later before looking back at Woolsey and asking.

"Lorne back yet?"

"He is. The whole mission was uneventful."

"Good." John replied, "I'll catch you in a bit." With that he and Teyla left the control room only to be stopped just outside by Lorne.

"Major." John greeted.

"Sir, can I have a word in private?"

"I will see you in the infirmary." Teyla said walking off.

"Is this about today's extra team member?" John guessed.

"Yes Sir."

"I thought the mission went without a problem?"

"It did Sir."

"But?"

"The doc wasn't her normal self. She was really withdrawn and jumpy."

"You ask her about it?"

"Yeah, she insisted she was fine and was concentrating on some research problem."

"But you didn't buy it?" John guessed.

"Not really."

"So she didn't mention being ticked with anyone on my team?"

"No. Should she?"

"No idea. Apparently she asked not to go on my team's mission."

-00-

"Hey Jennifer." Rodney smiled as he beat Ronon into the infirmary.

"McKay." She said barely looking up from her computer.

"I'm here for my check up." He said, his smile faltering at hearing her use his surname.

"Dr Cole is handling them." Jennifer said.

"Right, I'll go over there then." Rodney said backing away. Having seen the exchange Ronon asked.

"You okay doc?"

"Fine." Jennifer said, not looking up from her screen.

"So you want to train later?"

"No, I'm good. In fact I think I have learnt all I can for now. With our busy schedules I think it would be easier if I joined a class instead."

"If that's what you want." Ronon said taken aback.

"It is."

"Ok." He said before he withdrew and sat near Rodney.

"Hey doc." John greeted as he entered the infirmary and walked up to Jennifer, unaware of the recent exchanges. "I hear you actually had a mission where nothing went wrong." He smiled.

"Colonel." Jennifer replied. "You here for your post mission check?"

"Yeah." He said, surprised with her abrupt tone.

"Okay, well Dr Cole will be done with the others in a minute."

"Okay." John said, wondering what he had done to upset the doctor. His next question was cut off by Jennifer tapping her ear.

"Keller here." She said before listening and adding. "Do we know anything else?...Okay we'll be right up." She finished causing John to raise an eyebrow.

"you're needed in the gateroom. Jumper accident, we're needed on a rescue mission. I'll meet you on Jumper one."

"Who's involved?" John asked.

"Don't know." Jennifer said apologetically.

"Which bags do you need?" John asked.

"Those three." Jennifer said nodding at three large bags on the shelf.

"Chewie, get over here, carry these up to the Jumper bay. I'll meet you there." With that he ran up to the gateroom.

-00-

When he finally made it to the Jumper he checked his team and Jennifer were there before shutting the door and launching.

"What happened?" Teyla asked.

"Team eleven radioed in to say that they had engine failure and were crashing. Since then no radio contact." John explained.

"Which one is eleven?" Rodney asked.

"Andersen's team." John said.

Sitting alone in the back of the Jumper no one saw Jennifer stiffen.

"Rodney when we are through start scanning, look for anything that is a distress beacon or wreckage."

"I know the drill." Rodney replied as he changed the heads up display.

"Anything?" John asked Rodney.

"Yeah, picking up a signal." Rodney said. "Red dot on the screen." He added as he tried to radio the Jumper. After several failed attempts he said. "No answer." Moments later they saw the Jumper crashed into the ground.

"Looks like a crash." John said scanning the area for hostile forces, as he landed the Jumper. "Keep trying to reach them." He ordered Rodney.

Once the Jumper was landed Sheppard's team immediately went to work trying to access the crushed and mangled Jumper and communicate with the team.

"Anything?" John asked Rodney after several minutes.

"No, but the Jumper is emitting a whole heap of abnormal signals, could be throwing the signals off. Which could be why they're not responding to radio."

"Okay, I'm going to try to get in." John said.

"Not going to work." Ronon said as he tried to remove wreckage. "No way you'll fit through there. Even Teyla would struggle."

"I could do it." Jennifer said, causing the men to turn towards her.

"She'd fit." Ronon agreed. "But we don't know what it is like closer to the cockpit."

"You sure you're okay doing this?" John asked, not entirely happy throwing the CMO into a potentially dangerous situation when something was causing a shift in her behaviour.

When she nodded John took her bag from her and warned. "Careful. The fumes probably aren't good for your health."

Silently nodding Jennifer slid through the wreckage and into the cockpit where she was greeted by four still bodies. Three on the ground and one still in the pilot's seat. Moving to each body on the floor she checked for vitals shaking her head when she found none. Finally she made it to Andersen in the pilot's position she reached out to take his pulse, shutting her eyes and pausing momentarily before touching his neck. Finding no pulse she slid out through the wreckage and looked at John.

"I'm sorry, they're all gone."

* * *

 **TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

_-Five weeks later_

"Captain." John greeted as the redhead knocked on his office door as he and Lorne made their way through paperwork. "Welcome back and congratulations on the promotion."

"Thank you Sir." Laura Cadman smiled.

"Sorry for not greeting you when you arrived, I was a little tied up, saving the galaxy and all."

"Saving the galaxy?" Laura asked trying to keep a straight face.

"Problem Captain?" John questioned.

"Sorry Sir, it is just that Rodney had a different interpretation." Laura said, feeling she may be digging herself into a hole.

"Did he?" John asked. "What exactly did he say?"

"Probably best for me not to share that." Cadman said, quickly adding. "Sir."

"Cadman, I am ordering you to tell me what Rodney said." John said sternly. Noticing Lorne pull a face he asked. "Something you want to share Major?"

"No Sir. It just seems this may be going outside the scope of justifiable orders."

"Fine. Cadman, off the record, what did Rodney say?" He then glanced at Lorne and asked. "Better?"

"Much." Lorne said trying to keep his sarcasm hidden, as both men looked at Laura.

"Well Sir, he said you scored a date with a hot Ancient." Laura said, trying to keep her expression neutral.

"It's the burden of leadership." Lorne chipped in not helping Laura's battle.

"I am going to kill him." John said getting fed up with the ribbing he had taken over the last few days. Aware that Lorne and Cadman were looking at him he decided to just change topic and get the meeting back on track.

"The reason you are here is to find out if you are ready to go on a mission tomorrow."

"Yes Sir." Laura said immediately.

Still feeling guilty for ambushing Laura with the request John went on."Normally we don't throw people in the deep end, but seeing you know the ropes…"

"It's no problem Sir. I'd prefer to be out doing something anyway, especially after spending two weeks on the Daedalus with Kavannah."

"Excellent, hopefully we will sort out your new team in the next few weeks, in the mean time we'll be having you fill in as required and I'm sure Major Harding will be glad of an extra pair of hands on this mission, especially with Dr Keller accompanying."

"Is there a problem with Dr Keller?" Laura asked, confused by the comment.

"No, just that her first few missions were eventful, so she developed a bit of a reputation that has stuck despite her last eighteen-"

"Twenty." Lorne interrupted.

"Sorry, twenty missions, being trouble free. Regardless teams still fear the worse when she is on a mission and like to go prepared."

"That's all there is to it?" Laura asked.

"Expecting something else?" John queried.

"Um well, can I ask something off the record?" Laura asked.

"Sure."

"When Carson described Dr Keller I got a very distinct image in my mind, the woman in the infirmary just now was nothing like that image. Has something happened?"

"Wish we knew." Lorne said sadly. "She was always shy, but also friendly and approachable, then one day she retreated back into her shell. Won't really talk to any of us now other than what is required for duty."

"It coincided with the death of one of the teams here. She was friends with them and it hit her hard." John said. "I guess she just finds it easier to not get attached." He added, not leaving Laura convinced. Seeing her doubt Lorne added.

"Those deaths followed very closely to her getting kidnapped off world and then the runner she saved disappearing."

"And that followed McKay getting some odd parasite and nearly dying, she blamed herself for not spotting it." John chipped in.

"And that followed her being taken over by some alien and nearly killing the whole city." Lorne finished. Seeing both men could go on Laura said.

"I get the picture, but if she has been affected that badly should she even be here?"

"That's where it gets tricky. There is nothing wrong with her work and she seems completely stable. She just won't interact, which on any other base would be normal for a CMO." John said. "She has also refused to go back to Earth, even for time off."

"We're hoping she'll come round." Lorne said.

"But in the meantime we are keeping a careful eye, if anything changes we'll act." John finished.

-00-

"Why is everyone so tense?" Cadman asked Lieutenant Harris as they walked towards a village the following day.

"Um, well ma'am, we have Dr Keller on the mission." He said quietly nodding towards the doctor who was walking by herself several feet away.

"So?"

"Well she has a reputation for being jinxed."

"I thought her last twenty missions have gone without any problem?"

"They have. That's the problem. The more missions without a problem, the more likely the next one will be a disaster." He said.

Shaking her head she muttered. "Good to see this galaxy is just as whacky as it was last time I was here." She then sped up and fell in line with Jennifer.

"Doctor." She greeted.

Looking round Jennifer replied, "Captain."

"How's it going?" Laura asked, trying to break the ice.

"Fine." Jennifer said, keeping her eyes on the horizon.

"You know, I don't see it?"

"See what?" Jennifer asked confused, glancing back at Laura.

"The big target on your back that the rest of this team seems transfixed on."

"Target?" Jennifer asked more confused.

"The impending sense of doom?" Cadman tried again.

"They're just cautious. My luck has not been the best."

"Been fine recently." Laura pointed out.

"Luck is fleeting round here." Jennifer said as suddenly one of the team shouted.

"Wraith!"

On hearing the word Laura pushed Jennifer to one side and moments later the area rocked with explosions and everyone else dived for cover.

Jennifer shook off the effects of the shove and tried to ignore the loud bangs as she looked around trying to figure out what was happening. Hearing P90 fire from all around she tried to see any of her teammates, but couldn't through the smoke and dust. Finally, with the dust settling she heard a grunt. Following the sound she saw a Wraith kneeling over Laura's body about to lower its hand to feed. Not thinking she pulled her handgun and emptied her clip into it's back. Although the bullets did not wound it, they did get its attention. Moving faster than Jennifer was expecting it lunged at her knocking her to the ground. Dazed from hitting the deck so hard she tried to focus on the blurry Wraith in front of her and reach her knife. Before she had a chance though she heard P90 file erupt and the Wraith fell lifeless to the ground. Pushing if off her she looked up and saw Laura standing with her P90.

"You okay?" Cadman asked.

"I think so. Thanks."

"Technically you saved me first." Laura smiled as she helped Jennifer stand. "Although for the record P90s are much more effective than 9 mils."

"So I noticed." Jennifer said dryly.

"Let's find the others. Stay on my shoulder." Cadman instructed as she headed towards the smoke and where the now silenced bursts of P90 fire had come from.

"Cadman that you?" Harding called.

"Yes Sir, got the doc with me as well."

"Good. You two okay?" He asked as they came into his line of sight.

"Better than the Wraith." Laura shrugged. "How about everyone else?"

"We're all okay." Harding said. "It was a scout through the Gate. All the Wraith have been neutralised. Smith is dialling a safe site. Our priority now is evacuation of the locals."

"Yes Sir." Laura replied.

"Dr Keller is your responsibility."

"Yes Sir." Laura agreed.

-00-

When the team finally returned to Atlantis they were greeted by Sheppard who jogged down the steps, Lorne at his shoulder.

"Everyone ok?" John asked.

"Yes Sir. After the initial skirmish we had no more contact with the Wraith." Harding explained. "The locals have all been moved to a safe site."

"That's good. Go get cleaned up and then we'll have a briefing." Noticing Harding's hesitation he asked. "Problem Major?"

"Well Sir, more of a philosophical quandary."

"Which is?" John pressed.

"Well seeing Cadman's track record with the Wraith, is this incident put against her or Keller?"

"Everyone's a comedian." Laura said glaring at her sniggering teammates. Lorne's eyes though travelled to the door where Jennifer was silently exiting alone.


	3. Chapter 3

_-A week later_

Laura sat in the infirmary watching the new arrivals get processed as she waited for someone to come and look at a gash on her arm. As he waited she listened to all the lame chat up lines being thrown at the female members of staff, rolling her eyes at the worse of them.

"Problem Captain?" Dr Cole asked, seeing Laura roll her eyes.

"Yes, how do you guys put up with this so calmly?"

"This?" Cole asked confused.

"New recruits and lame chat up lines." Laura explained.

"Bingo." Cole said.

"Excuse me?"

"We all have Bingo cards with an assortment of the lines we hear. As the shift goes on we tick them off."

"How long does it take?" Laura asked as Cole removed the gauze to look at the wound.

"Normally one to two hours. The record is twenty minutes." Cole explained as they heard a raised male voice on the other side of the curtain saying.

"Oh come on. Don't be so cold. You know you want me."

"I said no. Now sit down or beam back to the Apollo." Jennifer said through the curtain, her voice on edge.

"Here we go again." Cole said excusing herself from patching up the Captain to make sure everything was okay.

An hour later Laura was still sat on a gurney in a now almost deserted infirmary. Seeing Jennifer and Cole walk past she called.

"Um doc, you think I can get some service?"

"Sorry Captain." Cole apologised. "I completely forgot you were there. I'll be right with you."

"I'll get this." Jennifer said. "Your shift finished a couple of hours ago. Go get some rest."

"You sure?" Cole asked feeling guilty.

"I'm sure. Tomorrow is going to be busy."

"Okay, thanks." Cole answered before leaving just Laura and Jennifer in the infirmary.

"So what happened?" Jennifer asked.

"Sparring accident. It's not that bad." Seeing Jennifer shake her head she added. "Well if it were I would have bled to death hours ago."

"Sorry you were forgotten." Jennifer said as she started to put in the stitches.

"No worries. Sounded like you had your hands full anyway." When Jennifer didn't respond she added. "So any good offers?"

"Excuse me?"

"You seemed to be getting lots of offers, just wondering if any of them were good."

"This is an infirmary not a dating agency." Jennifer said snapping off her gloves. "You're good to go."

"Thanks. Didn't mean to hit a nerve." Laura said hopping of the bed. "You okay?"

Before Jennifer could respond an alarm rang round the infirmary and the doors slid shut Jennifer muttered. "Not again."

"Not again what?" Laura asked.

"We're in lockdown." Jennifer said, quickly reaching for her radio.

-00-

"What's the news?" Laura asked as Jennifer killed her radio connection.

"One of the new recruits decided to show off and rewrite protocols."

"Sounds bad."

"He tripped a failsafe and now we are locked in."

"How long before we get out?"

"Fourteen hours."

"And seriously?"

"Fourteen. That was McKay's lowest estimate after Sheppard threatened him. He started with Thirty-two."

"But we are not actually in danger?" Laura asked.

"No, just trapped."

"On the bright side all the new recruits are on the other side and locked out." Laura smiled. "How often does this happen?" Seeing Jennifer's confusion she added. "You said, 'not again', implying it has happened before. Just wondering if it happens often."

"This is my second."

"What happened the first time?"

"I got locked in here with Ronon."

"I can just hear the endless chat." Laura grinned. "What exactly did you do?"

"Tried and failed to blow the doors with an oxygen tank."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome. Can we try that now?"

"No. And no blowing anything up." Jennifer said.

"Killjoy." Laura muttered. "So what do you plan on doing for fourteen hours?"

"I don't know. I have a mound of paperwork to get through."

"That's your plan, paperwork?" Laura questioned.

"You have a better idea?" Jennifer asked.

"Sure, we could talk."

"Talk?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes, converse, share information." Laura said, beginning to think it would be a long fourteen hours. "I'll start things off with a question. What's bugging you?"

"Bugging me?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah, bugging. You know, causing the personality change."

"What change?"

"The happy, friendly approachable person turning into the inapproachable grouch you are currently."

"No offence but you have no idea who I am. You've been here under two weeks."

"Maybe, but Carson did know you and when he talked about you, the words happy and optimistic were used. Not seeing either of those traits now. So what happened?"

"Does it matter?"

"It does to you and seeing we are not going anywhere you might as well spill."

"Let's just say I had a realization and leave it at that." Jennifer said as she started to check supplies.

"A realization? Sounds deep." Laura said walking over to Jennifer's office and pulling a panel off the wall before retrieving a large flask. Having walked back over to Jennifer she poured some of its contents into a cup, which she handed Jennifer adding. "Courtesy of Carson."

"Is this? Are you nuts? We are on duty, kind of. And there is a city wide emergency."

"True, but it is not a real emergency and your shift ended hours ago. Besides we are stuck in here for at least fourteen hours. During which time no one can get in or out and we probably have an armed guard outside. How better to spend our time than get slightly drunk on Carson's favourite drink. Even better we even have toilet facilities here. So…" Cadman said waving the cup at Jennifer who shrugged and downed the contents. Taking the cup back Laura refilled it and drunk the next cup herself.

"So what really happened to you?" Laura asked.

"Why are you asking? To humiliate me further?"

"Humiliate?" Laura asked. "What happened? Has someone hurt you?"

"Like you don't know." Jennifer muttered.

"Okay, I hate to live up to the stereotype of a dumb marine, but I really have no idea what you are talking about."

"Then you are the only one in the city." Jennifer said downing another cup.

"Not the only one. Lorne has no idea, he is really worried."

"He doesn't know?"

"Nope. For the record, neither does Colonel Sheppard or Teyla."

"And you know this how?" Jennifer asked sounding doubtful.

"They're concerned about you. They told me you had changed but no one knew why. And I may have overheard a few conversations I wasn't meant to." Laura said, giving Jennifer another cup of whiskey, which the doctor downed.

After a few minutes silence and another cup of whiskey Jennifer finally said.

"Someone once told me that happy people were either stupid or untrustworthy."

"Sound like a delightful person." Laura commented.

"At the time I ignored him, but he was right."

"You're untrustworthy?"

"No, stupid."

"You remember you are doctor right? That's means not stupid." Laura said.

"Apparently not." Jennifer said sadly. "I was so desperate to fit in I didn't question…"

"Question what?" Laura asked giving Jennifer another drink.

"Why."

"Why?" Laura asked confused.

"Yes, why."

"Why we exist? Why we are here? Why we don't get paid more?" Laura guessed.

"Why they were nice to me. I was stupid enough to think it was because they actually liked me."

Laura sat up straighter and asked. "What exactly happened?"

"After the last mission where I got kidnapped, I went to the gym to talk to Ronon, to thank him really, anyway as I got there I saw Captain Andersen and Lieutenant Shaw by the open door listening in. I walked over and heard the last part of the conversation where Rodney said, 'may the best man win'."

"Win what?" Laura asked.

"Me, apparently." Jennifer said drinking more whiskey.

"How'd you get that from that?" Laura asked.

"I didn't. After that statement Andersen turned and saw me. They, Andersen and Shaw, took me to the bar and filled me in on the rest of it."

"Which was?"

"Short version. Ronon and Rodney were having a bet on who could win me. The whole team was in on it. Ronon had spent weeks training me, pretending to be my friend, in order to win a bet."

"Look, I know I have not been around here for awhile, but for a short time I shared Rodney's head. While he can be egotistical, obnoxious and completely insensitive, none of that is deliberate and he is not malicious. You sure Andersen and Shaw hadn't misheard? Andersen's English was not always great."

"Shaw's was."

"Could have had an ulterior motive, like to annoy you."

"No way to know now." Jennifer shrugged.

"Other than asking Rodney and Ronon." Laura said.

"No point, everything started to make sense."

"What everything?"

"Rodney declaring his undying love, Ronon acting as my shadow, insisting on training me."

"Whoa, did you say Rodney declaring his love?"

"Kind of, he was under the influence of a parasite."

"Wouldn't that make him more likely to tell the truth or complete gibberish? Rather than a pre-planned lie?" Laura argued feeling her brain fog over from alcohol wondering how Jennifer was even manage to string sentences together as the doctor had another drink.

"Who knows?" Jennifer shrugged. "But as they told me the whole conversation everything fell into place."

"Whole conversation?"

"They had been in competition for weeks. The last few weeks had been a complete lie. Should have known then I couldn't trust anyone. What really hurt was Ronon. He knew I never fitted in anywhere, ever. If he was nice to me from pity, that would have been embarrassing, but I could cope. But to know that they view me some sort of winning, that hurt."

For a moment Laura wasn't sure what to say, but sensing Jennifer hadn't finished she gave the doctor another cup and asked. "There's more to this isn't there?"

For a long time Jennifer didn't answer, instead she kept drinking. But finally she said.

"Shaw left. Andersen kept the drinks flowing. When my sorrows were finally drowned, or bubbling under the surface, I decided to call it night. The chivalrous Andersen insisted on walking me back to my quarters, on account of my lack of straight-line ability. He suggested taking a slightly longer route so I could get some fresh air. By then I didn't really care, just so long as I didn't have to see Ronon or Rodney. We walked for a while then he took me onto a balcony on an unused floor. Told me Ronon and Rodney were jerks then told me I deserved better and kissed me. I pushed him away, which he didn't take too well. Told me I had led him on for weeks. I tried to get away, he grabbed my wrist and asked me why I thought anyone on base spent time with me before kissing me again." Jennifer paused and took a breath before continuing. "Then he pushed me back into the wall and I smashed my head and passed out. When I came to he was on top of me, my shirt ripped open, and he was removing my pants trying to, well you can guess. Then I lashed out with my knee. Apparently even intoxicated my knee is a finely tuned weapon. He dropped down and I ran. I was going to go to my quarters but paranoia took over and I went to, well somewhere else. When I finally got back to my room the next day, Andersen had been there, leaving lots of threats and messages along the lines of he had told everyone his version and no one would believe a -, I guess what they said doesn't matter now."

Sobering Laura took Jennifer's hand and asked. "Have you told anyone?"

"Everyone already thinks I'm weak, didn't want to confirm it. Plus I kept wondering if it was my fault-"

"What happened was not your fault." Laura said forcibly.

"Doesn't really matter, Andersen's team went off world first thing the next morning, around the time I discovered the threats. But I did briefly make the decision to tell Woolsey. I made it to Woolsey's office and opened my mouth to tell him, but then I couldn't find the words. So instead I asked to spend more time off world."

"With your record? He must have thought you'd lost it."

"Probably. But he agreed and I thought it'd give me time to clear my head and build up some courage. But after I got back I was called out on a rescue mission for a downed Jumper. It was Andersen's team. They were all dead. Didn't seem any point bringing it up after that."

"You should have told someone, even unofficially." Laura said.

"Yeah well, there aren't that many contenders to tell. Carson died and the new Carson is always off world. Sam left. After them the two people I spent more time with more than anyone else were Rodney and Ronon, neither of whom I wanted to see."

"You do know you live in a city, full of people?" Laura said.

"People like Andersen? I actually thought we were friends. But if that is what friendship is, what's the point. Besides, don't really do the whole social thing." Jennifer said drinking another cup. "Fitting in has never been me, you wouldn't understand."

"Excuse me. Woman Marine who likes blowing stuff up." Laura said waving her hand. "The male Marines don't trust things with breasts. Most women think I'm nuts for being a Marine. Anyone who doesn't fit into category one or two seems to think I'm going to blow them up."

"At least you can take care of yourself."

"So can you. You fought him off." Laura pointed out.


	4. Chapter 4

"I think I'm going to die." Laura groaned as she woke up with a splitting head.

"I doubt it, but I wish it were true." Jennifer said, biting back nausea.

"Remind me never to keep up with your drinking again." Laura pleaded.

"Please complain quieter." Jennifer said just as her radio started to bleep.

"Shut it off." Laura mumbled.

"Would if I could find it."

"Helps if you open your eyes."

"That doesn't help my head." Jennifer said as her hand scanned the area round her looking for the radio. Having found it she put it on her ear and said.

"Keller."

"Morning doc." Lorne's far too loud voice greeted. "Everything okay in there?"

"Everything's fine." Jennifer replied.

"Good, we hope to get you out of there in ten minutes. Anything you want to be greeted with? The cooks will make most things, we're guessing you two are hungry."

"Not really." Jennifer said as wave of nausea hit.

Sensing Jennifer did not want to talk Evan asked.

"Sure everything is okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. We'll contact you when the doors are ready to open."

Killing the connection Jennifer pulled the radio off her ear and threw it across the room muttering "sadist".

"I thought anyone who had been through med school knew how to avoid hangovers." Laura said.

"This is your fault." Jennifer said burying her head in the darkness of a blanket.

"What did he say?" Laura asked.

"Who?"

"The person on the radio."

"Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes what?" Laura asked confused.

"Til the doors open."

"Crap." Laura said carefully getting to her feet.

"What?"

"Might be best to hide the evidence." Laura explained as she picked up the empty bottle and hid it back behind the panel in Jennifer's office.

When the doors finally opened Lorne looked on surprised as two very peaky looking women stumbled out of the area.

-00-

Once she had showered, changed and convinced herself she was sober Laura searched for John's team, eventually finding them in the gym. Ensuring there were no other occupants she shut and locked the doors.

"Problem Captain?" John asked, surprised by her actions.

"Yes and we need privacy to discuss it."

"Seriously?" Rodney asked. "Do I really have to put up with this, I have plenty of more-"

"Rodney." Laura snapped before shutting her eyes and rubbing her temples. Once the pain had passed she went on. "I really don't feel great and it is all your fault."

"How is it my fault? Are you contagious?"

"Cadman." John said wanting an explanation.

"Last night, thanks to Campbeltown's finest, the doc got chatty."

"You were drinking whilst we were on lock down? I don't want to hear that." John said shaking his head.

"Jennifer opened up?" Teyla asked.

"Eventually."

"And?" Rodney asked.

"And I want the two of you to remember I am slightly hung over so I have less patience than normal." She said looking between Rodney and Ronon.

"What have you done?" John asked them.

"Don't look at me." Rodney shrugged.

"Does the phrase, 'may the best man win', ring any bells?" Cadman asked.

"Oh." Rodney said.

"Oh?" John asked. "Someone want to fill me in."

"These two idiots have been betting on who can win Keller."

"Win Keller what?" John asked as Teyla caught on to what Laura was saying and asked.

"How could you? Jennifer is your friend."

"It wasn't like that." Rodney said. "Where did she get that idea?"

"If it wasn't bad enough you were discussing her like she was a piece of meat you did it with the door open."

"She heard us?" Ronon asked.

"Everyone stop." John shouted, causing Laura to shut her eyes as the noise caused pain to ripple through her head. "Someone slowly explain what it is you are all taking about. By someone I mean Rodney."

"Um, well, I, well we. After the mission with Kiryk, Jennifer revealed she had been having sparring lessons from Ronon."

"So?" John asked.

"So I wanted to know if he was doing that because he wanted to help her or because he liked her."

"Of course he likes her, she's a friend." John said, still behind everyone else.

"Not like, like a friend, but like as in like." Rodney said emphasising the like.

"Oh." John said.

"So I came here and asked him if he had intentions."

"Intentions?"

"Like romantic intentions." Rodney clarified.

"And do you?" John asked.

"Yeah." Ronon said looking uncomfortable.

"So we discussed what we were going to do and decided that Jennifer should decide." Rodney continued.

"How big of you." John said sarcastically.

"I said may the best man would win and left." Rodney said.

"So there was no bet?" Laura asked relieved.

"No, where did she get that idea?"

"Andersen and Shaw. She only caught the last part of the conversation. They said they had listened to the whole conversation and filled her in. Only they told her you were betting and she was the prize. And that it had been going on for weeks and the whole team was in on it."

"I would never do that." Rodney said.

"That's what I told her." Laura assured him.

"You did? Oh, well, thank you." Rodney said.

"So the doc has been thinking that these two idiots were betting to win her? And she thought the rest of us were in on it? No wonder she tried to avoid the team." John said. "But that doesn't explain her attitude to everyone not on the team."

"It kind of spiralled to everyone being involved in it. Paranoia and self doubt took over." Laura said hoping the conversation would end.

"She would never believe Woolsey would be involved. Or Lorne for that matter." John argued.

"Something else happened?" Teyla guessed. The words immediately causing Laura to stiffen.

"Cadman?" John asked.

"I can't tell you that Sir." Laura said. "She told me in confidence."

"I could order you to."

"I would not obey that order Sir." Laura said. "Look if it would do any good I would. But it won't change anything and nothing can be done about it now."

John stared at his subordinate for what felt like an eternity before he nodded and asked.

"Is she in danger?"

"No."

"Is she okay?"

"No. But give her time." Cadman shrugged.

"For now I'll go with that." John agreed. "But if I feel like I need to know you need to tell me." He then looked at Ronon and Rodney. "As for you two I suggest you talk to her and apologise."

"Actually Sir, that may be a bad idea. Right now she just needs some space and thinking time. Personally I think they should keep their distance for a bit."

-00-

"How's the hangover?" Laura asked as she approached Jennifer in the infirmary later the evening.

"Gone, no thanks to you."

"I didn't force you to drink." She smiled.

"True, but you kept it flowing." Jennifer said.

"Well no offence, but you needed to loosen up. Speaking of, are you ready?"

"Ready?" Jennifer asked.

"For dinner." Laura stated. "The meal at the end of the day."

"Now?"

"Well, seeing how it is evening and your shift finished two hours ago, yes."

"It did?" Jennifer asked looking at her watch.

"It did and I'm hungry, so let's go."

"If this is about what I told you, you don't have to take pity on me." Jennifer said.

"And I thought Rodney's ego was big." Laura commented. "Didn't you listen when I explained how I didn't fit in? Seeing you already confessed to being in the same boat and I know you don't have any plans you can help reshow me the ropes."

"I'm so the wrong person for that." Jennifer said.

"Just move your six Keller." Laura ordered.

"Fine, but I'm not drinking."

"Good for you." Laura grinned as she hurried Jennifer to the Mess Hall.

-00-

"Cadman." Jennifer said putting down her fork.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I unloaded on you, but thanks for listening and not judging."

"Well you needed to unload and I was happy to listen, but I was judging, Andersen. He's lucky he is no longer around." Laura said before pausing and adding. "But seeing how we have saved each other's lives, got completely hammered and shared intimate details of our lives how about in the future you call me Laura."

"It does seem like first names are redundant round here." Jennifer commented.

"Unless you are an alien."

"Technically we're the aliens." Jennifer replied.

"So pedantic." Laura said shaking her head. "Anyway, I've got something to confess."

"Sounds serious."

"It may make you mad, but it is good." Laura said. "You need to promise you will listen to everything I say before saying anything."

"Okay."

"After we got out I was feeling kinda angry and I needed to do something. And in case you hadn't noticed I am kinda impulsive. So, I went to see Rodney and Ronon." Noticing Jennifer's face fall she quickly said. "Just let me finish." Not hearing any verbal objection she continued. "So I started having a go at them for what they said, however, it turns out you didn't get a fair account of what happened. Turns out Rodney was jealous that Ronon had been giving you private lessons and asked if he had intentions towards you, which he does. The whole, may the best man win part was them agreeing that it was completely your decision. The bet, the weeks of competition was all a lie. So they may be idiots, but they are not malicious and their feelings are real." Laura said.

For awhile Jennifer sat silently before quietly asking.

"Do they know about the rest?"

"No, I would never share that unless you specifically told me to. But they all know there is something else bothering you."

Again Jennifer sat silently, eventually causing Laura to ask, "So how mad are you at me right now?"

"I'm too tired to be mad." Jennifer said once again falling silent.

"Mind if I ask you a question?" Laura eventually asked.

"I get the feeling nothing will stop you."

"Why didn't you leave?"

"And go where? Tried Earth and I never fitted in there either. The work here is good. Besides if I went back to Earth I would see my father more."

"That's a bad thing?" Laura asked.

"No, it's a good thing, I miss him like anything. But he worries and if he saw me looking withdrawn or unhappy he'd worry more."

"Right." Laura said not completely following the logic.

"So why did you come back?" Jennifer asked.

"Well, part of me never wanted to leave. But then I got reposted onto the Daedalus. The next time I had a chance of moving back here was just after Carson died. I didn't want to come back and go into the infirmary and see someone else doing his job, no offence. Then you found him, well his clone and to be honest that freaked me out. But then I thought what the hell, you only live once."

"He regretted breaking it off." Jennifer said. "He was always talking about you."

"No point regretting if you don't have a time machine." Laura shrugged.


	5. Chapter 5

Jennifer couldn't help it. For the first time in weeks she was laughing and as much as she tried to suppress it she couldn't.

"Some friend you are." Laura mumbled from the mud pool she found herself wading in as Jennifer continued to laugh.

"I'm sorry." Jennifer said still laughing. "But you have to admit it's funny."

"Not seeing the funny side." Cadman replied glaring at the doctor as she tried to shake the mud off her hands and make her way back to the more solid land where Jennifer was standing.

"Really? A cute little butterfly scaring a tough Marine into falling into a mud pool isn't funny?"

"Just you wait." Laura threatened.

"Doc?" Lorne asked running into the cave. "Are you okay? I heard a scream? Are you laughing? Why are you laughing? Cadman? What the hell happened?" He asked confused.

"Did you actually want answers to any of those?" Laura asked as she reached the side of the mud pool, her mood getting worse.

Offering Cadman a hand he asked. "Why are you taking a mud bath?"

"I lost my balance and slipped." Laura said glaring at Jennifer.

"Uh huh. Well next time you want a spa treatment, perhaps wait until you are back on Earth." Lorne suggested.

"Surrounded by comedians." Laura muttered as she shook more of the wet mud off.

"Sure you're not hurt?" Lorne asked.

"Yes Sir."

"Okay. I'm going to stand down the rest of the team and allow you a few moments to dry off." Lorne said heading out of the cave as Jennifer handed her friend a towel that she had dug out of her bag.

"Is this your apology?" Laura asked.

"Apology for what?" Jennifer asked smiling. "I kept quiet didn't I and didn't tell the Major a butterfly scared you into the mud."

"The way you were cackling he wouldn't have believed you." Laura shot back as she towelled the mud off.

"Sorry." Jennifer apologised. "I shouldn't have laughed."

"No you shouldn't." Laura said sounding grumpy, but then she smiled and added. "Hey Jen, it's good to see you laugh. Even if it is for something completely inappropriate."

As the two women walked towards the rest of Lorne's team Laura looked at the men and threatened.

"Don't say anything. So much as one word, one smirk or one look I don't like and you'll pay for it." With that she stomped off towards the gate.

"Ready doc?" Lorne asked.

"I am."

"Good, lets get home before the Captain gets grumpy."

"Gets?" Sanchez questioned.

"Trust me when I say this is nothing." Lorne smiled before looking back at Jennifer and asking. "So are you going to give me a few more details about how she ended up in the mud?"

"No."

"Because there are none or because you won't tell?" He pressed.

Before Jennifer could answer Lorne's attention was drawn to something in the bushes. Tensing he shouted, whilst pushing Jennifer behind some rocks. "Get down."

Diving for cover Laura unclipped her P90 before cursing about the mud that oozed from it. Knowing she could not offer firepower she looked round hoping to get a fix on the danger.

Before she located the source of Lorne's concern a bullet hit the rock to her left throwing up shards. Pressing herself lower she heard three more bullets hit before the P90 fire of her teammates started. Moments later she heard Lorne order.

"Stay down."

Peering round her rock she saw the Major leave his hiding place and walk towards the now deceased shooter. She watched him feel for a pulse before walking back over to his scattered team saying.

"He's gone. Let's pick the pace up. There could be more of them." As if on cue more gunshots echoed as Laura felt a blow to her back before falling to the ground, with P90 fire sounding.

When the firing stopped Laura tried to look round realising that the blow she felt was Jennifer tackling her to the floor. Before she could say anything she heard Lorne shouting,

"Cadman, Keller, you okay?" Before either woman could answer she heard Lorne swear before shouting. "Sanchez cover us, Keller's been hit."

"How bad?" Laura asked, frustrated she couldn't move.

Not answering the Captain, Lorne pulled Jennifer off Laura and dragged her back to the nearby cave.

Free from Jennifer's weight Laura scampered over to the Major and the doctor immediately asking.

"How is she?"

"Can't see any blood. Vest may have done its job." He said scanning the area before calling. "Keller open your eyes." Not getting a response he looked to Laura.

"Help me get her vest off." Nodding Laura waited for Lorne to lift the unconscious doctor into a sitting position before removing her vest. Once removed she said.

"Clear." Causing the Major to lower Jennifer back onto the ground, lying her on her front so he could examine her back.

Seeing no holes in Jennifer's clothes Lorne breathed a sigh off relief before lifting up Jennifer's shirt and T-shirt to look for damage. As his hand touched her skin she came to.

Feeling an unknown hand on her back whilst lying facedown on the ground she started to panic and struggle. Seeing what was happening Laura lowered her head so her face was next to Jennifer's and tried to assure her she was okay. As the doctor began to calm, Laura looked over to Lorne, whose face was etched with concern.

"I've got this." Laura quickly volunteered. "My gun is so clogged it'll be useless. Cover us."

"Okay." Lorne said backing away from the pair before radioing the rest of his team to take up defensive positions round the cave.

"Jen, I need to look at your back. You need to hold still."

Nodding the still dazed doctor lay motionless as Laura inspected her back. After a few moments the Marine asked.

"Can you breathe okay?"

"Yeah." Jennifer said, still feeling disorientated.

"Okay, let's sit you up." Laura instructed, the movement causing the now more alert doctor to gasp in pain.

"What's wrong?"

"Ribs hurt." Jennifer grimaced.

"I'm sure. You are already bruising." Laura said as Lorne returned carrying two of Jennifer's bags.

"How bad?" Lorne asked as he set the bags down and started searching through them.

"No bone sticking out so hopefully just bruising, maybe a crack. She says she can breathe ok." Cadman reported.

"Drink this." Lorne instructed giving Jennifer the vial of morphine sulphate. "It'll help with the pain. Looks like packing an entire infirmary pays off today."

"What's going on out there?" Laura asked.

"We're pinned down. We can defend this position, but we aren't going anywhere. We'll hold off for the check in and request backup. Seeing the doc is with us they'll call the second we're late. So, hopefully we only have two hours to wait. But in the mean time you need to try and dry off a bit or you're going to feel the cold." He then knelt down in front of Jennifer and said.

"We need to clean the mud off your face. You okay if I do it, or would you prefer Cadman."

"You're fine." Jennifer said.

"Okay, Cadman see if you can find any dry clothes for yourself in the doc's bags. I'll clean her up."

As he washed away the first of the mud he saw a bruised lump forming on her face. "What happened?" He asked.

"Marines have bony shoulders." Jennifer said. "My head slammed into Laura's shoulder on my way down."

"You know doc, it is our job to jump in front of the bullets and yours to dig them out, not the other way round."

"If I'd known it would hurt this much I wouldn't have done it." Jennifer assured him.

"See it as karma for all the laughing," Laura said returning to the pair, holding a blanket for Jennifer. "Seriously though, thanks."

"Why didn't you tell me bullets were worse than arrows?" Jennifer asked Lorne.

"Stupidly I thought the whole arrow thing would have put you off jumping in front of projectiles." Lorne said.

"What arrow thing?" Laura asked.

"Months ago the doc tried to tackle Ronon to the ground to stop him getting shot by arrows. Turned out, unsurprisingly, that she didn't carry the momentum and merely ended up jumping in front of the arrow."

"Ouch."

"The worse part was she was too stubborn tell anyone how bad it was."

"Jennifer? Stubborn?" Laura asked sarcastically.

"Hey, I told Ronon." Jennifer said, her voice beginning to slur as the drugs kicked in.

"Yes, sorry. She told the one person on the mission who had an unbelievably high pain threshold that she had been hit, then said it was just a flesh wound." Lorne corrected as he looked back over to Laura, who was still caked in mud.

"Cadman, clean your weapon, I have a nasty feeling we may need the extra fire power later."

"Yes Sir." Cadman agreed as Lorne returned his focus to Jennifer.

"How you doing doc?" Lorne asked

"Fuzzy."

"That's just the drugs. You warm enough? Breathing okay?"

"Yeah." Jennifer smiled as the drugs began to take full hold of her.

"That's good. Doc, I'm sorry for earlier. I just needed to make sure the bullet hadn't gotten through and you hadn't broken a rib. I didn't mean to scare you. I would never hurt you."

"I know. You're a good guy. But I thought he was as well."

"Huh?" Lorne asked not following the conversation.

"How are you meant to know?" Jennifer asked, although Lorne didn't think she was talking to him. "I mean is there some sort of sign that I missed or is that what everyone wants. I should have known. Shouldn't have gone." Jennifer said incoherently only stopping when Lorne spoke.

"No." Lorne said firmly. "If you still want to tell me tomorrow we'll talk. Right now, no talking. Try to get some rest."

Seeing Cadman's surprised expression as he walked over he whispered.

"Whatever it is she has deliberately hidden if from me for weeks. If she tells me I want it to be on her own terms, not because of drugs."

"You're a better person that I am." Laura said, seeing Lorne quirk an eyebrow Laura explained. "I got her drunk."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Lorne said. "Answer me something. She's not in danger is she?"

"No." Laura assured him.


	6. Chapter 6

"Lorne do you read?" Sheppard's voice echoed round the cave.

"Yes Sir, good to hear your voice."

"I'm assuming there's a reason you're late with the check in."

"Yes Sir, we are under attack. Currently we are hiding in a cave and could use an extraction."

"I'll prep the Jumper. Any injuries?"

"Yeah. The doc took a bullet in her vest. Her ribs may be cracked." Lorne said, wincing at the silence coming back down the radio. Eventually John said.

"We'll be there in twenty minutes."

Having passed the information on to his team Lorne called Cadman back into the cave and explained.

"I need some help getting the doc's vest back on." Seeing Laura's raised eyebrow he explained. "I'd rather not risk her taking another bullet this time with no vest."

"No problem." Laura said moving over to her friend who was sleeping. "Time to wake up." She said gently shaking Jennifer's shoulder.

"Laura?" Jennifer said as she tried to focus.

"How you feeling?" Lorne asked.

"Ribs hurt." Jennifer said.

"Guessed that part. I'm just going to look at them, then we need to get your vest on." Laura said as she helped Jennifer lean forward before lifting her shirt.

"Why?" The doctor asked.

"Rescue team is nearly here and we would prefer you to not get shot as you walk to the Jumper." Lorne said, pulling a face as he saw Jennifer's bruised back. "I'll get you something for the pain."

"No." Jennifer said. "We'll be back at the infirmary soon, best not to have anything in my system."

"You sure?" Laura asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, let's get your vest on then." Laura said, feeling guilty as Jennifer grimaced with the movement.

With the vest finally secure Laura asked. "You still breathing okay?"

"Yeah."

"We'll get you home in no time." Laura assured her as John's voice came over the radio giving the two minute warning. "Let's get you on your feet." Laura said as she and Lorne stood either side of Jennifer and helped her stand.

"You doing okay?" Lorne asked.

"Peachy." Jennifer replied as loud explosions came from outside the cave.

"That'll be Sheppard." Lorne commented as he and Laura guided Jennifer towards the mouth of the cave. "You think you can run?" Lorne asked the doctor.

"No, but I'll try not to think." Jennifer replied as she saw the Jumper land.

"Was that a joke?" Laura asked scanning the horizon. "Because if it was it sucked."

"You ready?" Lorne asked Laura, ignoring the exchange.

"Yes Sir."

"Cover us." Lorne called to the rest of the team as he and Cadman tried to get Jennifer to the Jumper as quickly as possible. Once they had reached the inside of the Jumper Jennifer collapsed.

-00-

Slowly cracking her eyes open Jennifer instantly recognised the sterile infirmary environment. Realising she was half sitting half lying on her side she tried to remember why she was in the infirmary. As she attempted to turn and a wave of pain pulsed through her back she involuntarily gasped and decided to lie still.

"Morning doc." Evan called from off to one side. "How are you feeling?" He asked moving into view.

"Sore." Jennifer grimaced.

"Well the good news is your ribs are just bruised. But the pain will be around for a few weeks yet."

"How long was I out for?"

"About twenty hours."

"Twenty? Why so long? Why are you still here?"

"Yes twenty, so long because you have been pumped full of painkillers and apparently needed the rest and I'm here to make sure you're okay. Besides Cadman refused to go until she was happy you wouldn't wake up alone."

"I'm fine."

"Say that without the grimace and I may believe it." Lorne smiled.

"I'm okay. You should go."

"Is that what you want?" Lorne asked.

"Yes. You need to rest, you look tired."

"Kettle, pot, black." Lorne said.

"I'm resting." Jennifer pointed out. "And I would rest a lot better without talking."

"Fine. I'm going." He said standing, he then paused and looked at Jennifer. "Doc, for a moment out there, when Cadman was in the mud, you had your spark back. I, we all, miss that spark. If there is anything I can do to bring it back you let me know. And if you ever feel like finishing our conversation I'm here." With that he backed away and left.

-00-

"Hey. Where's Lorne?" Laura asked pulling up a seat at Jennifer's beside a few hours later.

"Gone to get some rest."

"He left you?"

"I sent him away." Jennifer said.

"He say anything to you?"

"Yeah."

"Such as?"

"We'd finish our conversation later." Jennifer said. "What conversation?"

"When you were high you started talking."

"How much did I tell him?"

"Nothing. He stopped you and said if you wanted to tell him when you weren't on a different mental planet he'd be happy to listen."

"Different mental planet?" Jennifer asked.

"I may have paraphrased." Laura shrugged. "But, you should know that when Lorne tried taking your vest off you kinda freaked out."

"Yeah, I remember that part."

"He's worried about you and he cares about you. Which is why he won't press you. But he's there for you." Laura said.

"I know." Jennifer said, trying to shift in the bed, grimacing as she did so causing Laura to say.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Jennifer asked confused.

"That you got shot, that you are lying here in pain."

"Not your fault."

"Technically I guess you're right. It is your fault for being stupid enough to jump in front of a bullet. Thank you for saving me."

"Kind of owed you for being there for me for the last few weeks."

"You really didn't. But thank you."


	7. Chapter 7

_-Three weeks later_

Jennifer was sitting in her office finishing paperwork when she was summoned to the gateroom for an emergency.

"What happened?" She asked grabbing a bag and ordering an emergency team to follow with a stretcher.

"SGA6 are coming through with injured." Woolsey explained over the radio.

"How many?" Jennifer asked.

"At least two." Woolsey answered causing Jennifer to look back at Marie and say.

"Get another emergency team to meet us in the gateroom. Get them to bring another stretcher."

As Jennifer continued to run to the gateroom she wondered why they didn't relocate the infirmary to the gateroom, or at least have a permanent medical presence there.

When her team final entered the gateroom she saw two bodies on the ground, surrounded by other personnel administering first aid.

"What do we have?" Jennifer asked.

"Cadman has been shot in the leg." Wilson said. "Perkins was knocked out."

Heading straight to Laura's side she dropped down by her friend and pulled away the makeshift bandage round her leg.

"Should you be working yet? I mean isn't the point to stop blood loss, not cause it?" Laura asked grimacing.

Ignoring her friend Jennifer examined the wound and the leg before applying pressure to the injury and calling to Wilson.

"Help me move her onto a stretcher."

Immediately the healthy members of Wilson's team moved Laura onto the stretcher as Jennifer checked that Cole had arrived and was treating Perkins. With Laura secured Jennifer nodded to her team leaving Wilson to watch as Laura was carried out of the gateroom into surgery.

-00-

"Hey Marie," John said seeing the nurse emerge. "What news?"

"She's stable. Dr Keller is just finishing up now. She asked me to tell you that the bullet she removed was from a standard issue 9 mm."

"I know." John said. "She was shot by Perkins. Accident apparently."

"Okay." Marie said confused. "I'm sure Dr Keller will be out soon to give you more details."

"Thanks. Umm, did the doc seem okay?"

"Should she not have done?" Marie countered.

"No. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I imagine treating a friend is hard."

"Being on this type of mission every patient is a friend." Marie pointed out before leaving John to wait for Jennifer.

When Jennifer finally emerged John jumped of the bed he was sitting on and asked.

"How is she?"

"Stable. She should make a full recovery. The bullet missed everything important. Do you know why she was shot by a 9mm?"

"Accident, apparently. Perkins thought he saw something and drew his sidearm. He took the safety off then tripped over a branch. As he hit the ground he shot Cadman and knocked himself out." He explained as Jennifer stretched her back.

"Your ribs holding up okay?"

"They're fine. Just getting use to working again."

"Well make sure you get some rest." John said before offering. "Don't suppose you feel like grabbing some food?"

"No." Jennifer said quickly. "I think I am just going to try and sleep."

"Ok. Make sure you eat something later." John ordered, wanting to say more but not knowing what exactly to say. As he watched Jennifer go he promised himself he would try again the next day with a better game plan.

-00-

"Hey doc." John said as he turned up at her office the following evening. "Can I have a word?"

"Sure, come in." Jennifer said.

"Should you be back to working double shifts?" John asked, receiving a glare in response he swiftly moved on. "How's Cadman?"

"As long as she can pace herself she should make a full recovery."

"She's not being a difficult?"

"No more than any other marine." Jennifer said. "Was there something else?"

"Just wondering how you were doing?" John asked shutting the office door.

"I'm fine. The ribs are fine, just a little stiff."

"And you? You've had an eventful few weeks."

"I'm fine." Jennifer said her focus immediately turning back to her computer.

"That's good." John said frustrated he was failing again. "There's something else we need to discuss though."

"What?" Jennifer asked, paling as she wondered if John had found out what had happened.

"Woolsey and I were reviewing the training logs and well you have not done any of the mandatory training for months. I know before you were training with Ronon, which gave a valid excuse, but we both know you aren't training with him at the moment."

"So you want me to restart classes?" Jennifer guessed.

"Assuming you don't want to resume learning with Ronon, yeah."

"Classes sound good." Jennifer said.

"How soon before you are cleared fit for active duty?" John asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Well there is a class on Friday afternoon and I already know you are not working at three."

"Three it is. Anything else?"

"Umm, no."

"Okay." Jennifer said before turning her attention back to her work.

"Well I'll email you details then." John said more to himself that the doctor.

-00-

"How're you feeling Captain?" John asked as he was leaving the infirmary that Friday.

"Better thank you Sir." Laura said before pointing to his recently stitched head and asking. "Sparring accident?"

"Yeah, got distracted at the wrong moment. So when are you getting released?"

"Tomorrow I hope, although Jenn says next week." Laura replied.

"She doing okay?" John asked.

"I guess. It's hard to talk properly in here, but she seems ok." Laura said as an injured Captain entered the infirmary.

"Price what the hell happened to you? I thought you were training civilians?" John asked as he saw the Captain enter the infirmary holding a bloodied towel over his nose.

"I was."

"One of the civilians landed a punch?" John questioned.

"Yes sir. I was taken off guard." He said causing Laura to laugh.

"What exactly happened?" John asked.

"Well sir, I was demonstrating a throw and a hold. The one where the partner doesn't fight back. Throw went fine, but during the hold Keller decided to fight back. I wasn't expecting it and she landed a punch."

"Where is she now?" Laura asked from her bed.

"Don't know. She ran off."

"Without treating you?" John asked, concerned there was more to the story.

"Yes Sir." He replied as he was ushered onto a spare gurney.

"Where are you going Captain?" John asked, noticing Cadman was making an escape.

"To find Jennifer."

"You can barely walk." John pointed out.

"I can still hop." Cadman said defiantly.

"Chair and that's an order." John said pointing to a wheelchair. "If you want to leave get in."

Mumbling Laura sat in the chair before John asked.

"Where to?"

"Tower five, floor fourteen."

"That's in an unused part of the city." John commented as he started wheeling the Laura out of the infirmary.

"I know."

"And the place where Ronon used to train the doc."

"I know."

"You sure about this?" John pressed.

"Pretty sure."

"Okay then." He said pushing her into a transporter. "You know Captain this is bordering on the I need to know."

"I know Sir, but Jennifer needs to decide that herself. If we push her she is going to retreat." Laura said as John stopped by the door. Seeing John hover she added. "Um Sir, this is something I need to do alone."

"Fine, but I'll be outside."

"Yes Sir." Laura said as she carefully stood and entered the private gym that Ronon had set up for Jennifer months before. As the doors shut behind her she limped over to her friend who sat in the corner.

"Jen?" Laura said softly.

"Laura?" Jennifer asked looking up surprised. "You should be in the infirmary."

"Well I would be, but apparently some doctor decided to put a marine in his place and I'm here to restore pride in the corps." Laura said as she carefully slid down the wall and sat next to the doctor.

"Is he okay?" Jennifer asked.

"His pride is more broken than his nose, but he'll live."

"I didn't mean to." Jennifer said, wiping the tears from her face.

"I know."

"I thought I was over it, but when he was pinning me down I kept seeing Andersen, I thought I was back on the balcony. What's wrong with me?"

"You are suffering from post traumatic stress." Laura said.

"I'm so pathetic." Jennifer said as she pulled her knees to her chest.

"None of that. You are not pathetic. You fought Andersen off. Pathetic couldn't do that. The only thing you did wrong was try to deal with it by yourself. But you're not doing this alone anymore. You've got me and if you get bored with me there are plenty of others ready to take my place."

"You think I should tell the others, Colonel Sheppard and Mr Woolsey?"

"It doesn't matter what I think, what matters is what you want."

"What if they send me back to Earth?"

"Why would they do that?"

"Because I lied to them. Because it was my fault and because they'll realise how weak I am."

"Firstly, it was not your fault. Secondly, you are not weak, nor pathetic. Lots stubborn, but definitely not weak. The only person in this city who views you as weak is you."

For a moment Jennifer didn't respond, but then she rested her head on Laura's shoulder and said.

"Thank you for being a friend."

"Any time."

"But, you shouldn't have come here. You should be in bed in the infirmary and you definitely shouldn't be walking."

"If it makes you feel better I took a wheelchair down here, complete with chauffeur."

"Does that mean there is someone standing on the other side of the door?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Colonel Sheppard." Laura said causing Jennifer to groan.

"Is he mad at me?"

"Why'd he be mad?" Laura asked. "He's worried."

Jennifer sat silently for a moment then drew a deep breath and said. "Let's go. I need to get you back to the infirmary." With that she then stood and offered her hand to Cadman, but as the marine took it she gasped in pain.

"What's wrong?" Laura asked concerned.

"Nothing, just bruised my hand." Jennifer said offering her left hand instead.

"That's why you should never hit a marine." Laura replied as she got up onto her feet and hooked an arm over Jennifer's shoulder, letting her friend take her weight.

When the reached the door Jennifer paused once more causing Laura to say.

"You are going to get past this. I'm here for you."

Weakly smiling her thanks Jennifer swiped her hand and the door opened revealing Colonel Sheppard pacing the corridor.

"Everything okay?" He asked carefully.

"We need to get Laura back to the infirmary. She shouldn't have left." Jennifer said as she helped her friend sit in the wheelchair.

"Jennifer needs to go as well." Laura pointed out as John started to push the chair. On hearing Laura's comment though he stopped and turned to Jennifer asking.

"Did Price hurt you?"

"No, he did nothing wrong." Jennifer said. "I just bruised my hand."

"That's why you don't punch thick skulled marines." John said.


	8. Chapter 8

"Dr Keller, please come in and sit down." Woolsey said adding. "Shut the door."

Obediently Jennifer shut the door and took a seat opposite Woolsey who asked. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." Jennifer replied instinctively. The answer causing Woolsey to shake his head.

"Dr Keller, I may not be seen as the most approachable person on this base, nor am I gifted with as much empathy as some, but even from my isolated position it is obvious that you are not fine."

"Is there something wrong with my work?" Jennifer asked, despite the fact she knew full well he was referring to the training incident.

"Your work?" Woolsey questioned. "Your work is absolutely fine, but right now I don't give a damn about your work. I am worried about you."

"Me?" Jennifer asked, the conversation not going the way she had assumed it would.

"Yes you. For weeks, months in fact, you have been withdrawn and acting out of character and now you are sending marines to the infirmary."

"It was an accident." Jennifer said, her eyes betraying the guilt she felt.

"I don't doubt that." Woolsey replied. "But accident or not, its occurrence demonstrates that something isn't right. I am not going to ask what, you clearly don't feel comfortable talking to me. But I am going to ask you to talk to someone and remind you that my door is always open. Whatever has happened you are not dealing with it. Let us help."

-00-

"You okay?" Laura asked she limped into Jennifer's office.

"I'm not the one with a bullet hole in my leg." Jennifer pointed out. "Why aren't you in a bed."

"I needed to stretch and it is not exactly far from my bed to your office. Besides I have just been discharged so was leaving anyway." She said shutting the door and taking a seat.

"You were? By who?" Jennifer asked confused.

"Cole. We waited for your objections, there were none so I was discharged."

"I didn't know." Jennifer protested.

"Because you have been hiding in here." Laura pointed out before saying. "So I heard you were summoned to see Woolsey."

"Yeah."

"More details to go with that?" Laura pressed.

"He said he was worried about me and I should talk to someone."

"The man is more switched on than I have ever given him credit for." Cadman commented. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I feel trapped. I don't want to leave here, but if I tell them they'll send me back, but if I don't tell some one and I attack another marine, they'll send me back."

"No one is sending you back anywhere. Lorne and Sheppard view you as a sister, they won't send you back to Earth."

"But I lied to them."

"They'll get over it." Laura said as Jennifer silently stared at her shoes. "If you tell them they will not send you back to Earth. Right now you are worrying about a hypothetical. The more you wait to tell them the harder is it going to seem."

"What if they blame me? What if I did lead Anderson on? I've been going over-"

"Jen, what happened is not your fault and I promise you no one is going to blame you. You did nothing wrong."

Finally Jennifer looked up and said. "I'm ready."

-00-

"Cadman, as much as I appreciate quirky, why have you brought us all here?" John asked noticing Lorne and Woolsey were also assembled in Laura's quarters.

"Because this needs to be off the record. In a few minutes Jennifer is going to come here and tell you something. She feels more comfortable here than in a briefing room."

"She's ready to talk?" Lorne asked.

"Yes. But, before she gets here, you should know she is terrified you are going to send her back to Earth. She still blames herself. She needs support. It's also important that you let her finish speaking before you say anything."

"Why would we send her-" John started only for Woolsey to cut in.

"Of course." Woolsey said.

"Also this needs to stay in here." Laura said.

"Understood." Woolsey agreed.

"I am not going to like this am I?" John asked.

"No Sir." Laura agreed as her door chimed. Leaving the men standing confused and concerned in the middle of her room she moved to the door and let Jennifer in.

"Doc." John greeted, trying his best to look casual so not to stress her out any more than she clearly was.

"Dr Keller." Woolsey added as Laura ushered Jennifer to a seat in the corner and asked.

"You want me to stay?" When Jennifer nodded Laura turned to the men and indicated they should sit, wondering if they had all taken a class on how to look uncomfortable. Silently they obeyed and then they all waited for Jennifer to start.

Jennifer quietly recalled the events that had led to her withdrawal, never once looking anyone in the eye. When she had finished it was Woolsey who was first to act as he stood and walked over to her.

"Dr Keller, we, I have failed you and for that I am sorry. What happened to you should never have happened, especially here in our home. The fact that you didn't feel comfortable telling us shows that the fault is with us. I can't change the past, but if there is anything I can do from this point on please let me know."

"Doc," John started, trying to conceal the rage he felt towards Anderson. "You did good fighting him off. But if anything like that ever happens again you come to me."

Seeing how drained Jennifer was looking Woolsey said. "Thank you for confiding in us. I promise what you have told us won't leave these four walls, but I meant what I said, if we can do anything let us know. Is there anything you want from us now?" When Jennifer shook her head he said. "Remember the offer is always there. In the mean time I am going to let you get some rest." With that he turned and left, quickly followed by John, who was struggling to keep his anger in check.

Once Woolsey and Sheppard had gone Lorne walked over to Jennifer and asked.

"You okay if I hug you?"

Despite her confusion over the request she nodded and felt herself being pulled against Lorne's chest. As she relaxed into his embrace he said. "I'm proud of you for fighting him off. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

-00-

John went straight to the gym and started to take his anger out on a punching bag. Pounding it relentlessly until he was interrupted by Ronon and Teyla entering.

"John." She said placing a hand on his shoulder causing him to stop. As he turned to face her she asked. "What has happened?"

"Just me failing in my duty." John said.

"What have you failed with?" Teyla asked confused.

"Doesn't matter."

"Punch bag says different." Ronon said as Teyla offered.

"Would it help to talk?"

"Nope." John said going back to pounding the bag as the doors to the gym opened again.

Seeing John pounding the bag Lorne asked.

"Does it help?"

"Doesn't hinder." John said.

"What is going on?" Teyla asked causing John and Lorne to say in almost unison.

"Can't say."

"We will leave you alone." Teyla said directing Ronon out of the gym, realizing the two men needed time to talk.

"So, extra patrols." Lorne said punching another bag. "I was thinking we can get the patrols to focus on the disused parts of the city which show life signs."

"Agreed. But I also want a detail on the doc."

"She won't like that."

"If they do their job properly she won't know."


	9. Chapter 9

– _A week later_

"Dr Keller, please come in." Woolsey said as he noticed her in the doorway. "How are you?"

"Okay, thanks."

"Good. So what can I do for you?"

"I need to change personnel on tomorrow's mission."

"The mission to MX4-424?" Woolsey asked pulling up the relevant file on his computer.

"That's right. Dr Cole has gone down with the flu doing the rounds so can't go."

"Okay, did you want to delay the mission or replace Dr Cole?"

"I'll go instead." Jennifer said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, the village needs help. Dr Taylor should be well enough to return to work tomorrow, but won't be fit for gate travel for at least a week. Everyone else is either sick or not cleared for travel."

"Looking at the mission plan Major Teldy and Captain Reid were down to be the military escort. However, with the recent flu season Captain Reid is also signed off." Woolsey said as he read off his screen. "Currently we have on the available and healthy list Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne."

"No one else?" Jennifer asked quickly.

"Dr Keller, has something else happened?"

"No."

"Then why do you not want two of the people you trust to accompany you? Ah I see."

"You do?" Jennifer asked confused.

"Since you told them their behaviour towards you has changed and they have become overly protective."

"Not just my imagination then?" Jennifer asked.

"Definitely not." Woolsey smiled. "And I understand why you may like a break from them. However, we are short of other escorts. The only other on the list is Ronon. Are you okay with him?"

"Yes." Jennifer said with less enthusiasm.

"Are you sure you want to go on this mission?" Woolsey questioned. "You are looking a bit pale."

"I'm fine, a little tired, but I'm off duty now so I can get some sleep."

"Can you?" Woolsey asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you able to sleep?" Woolsey repeated.

"No more or less than anyone else here." Jennifer said.

"Dr Keller you have more reason than most not to sleep." Woolsey said.

"What happened, happened a long time ago now." Jennifer said. "I appreciate your concern, but I am fine."

"Well I trust your judgment, if you are happy to go I will update the schedule."

"Thank you."

"Just make sure you get some rest."

-00-

"Ronon?" Jennifer asked before looking at her watch wondering if she was late for the mission. Convincing herself that she wasn't she asked. "Something wrong?"

"Woolsey told me we're going on a mission to today." Ronon said before adding. "Together."

"I know."

"You okay with that?"

"It was my choice."

"Good." Ronon said before rubbing the back of his neck. "But before we go I think we should talk."

"Talk?"

"Well, I'll talk. You just listen." He said. "I'm sorry that I hurt you and for what you heard. I never wanted to hurt you. I know you don't trust me, but I still have your back." He added before pausing briefly and saying. "See you in the gateroom."

-00-

"Gentleman, please come in and shut the door." Woolsey said when he saw Lorne and Sheppard loitering outside his office.

"Is there a problem?" John asked, recognising Woolsey's tone as one of disapproval.

"I believe there is." Woolsey replied leaning forward. "It is regarding Dr Keller."

"Has something happened?" Lorne asked stiffening.

"Not exactly." Woolsey said frustrating John.

"What is that meant to mean?" The Colonel asked.

"As you know Dr Keller is a last minute replacement for the mission she is on. She came to see me yesterday to let me know. Whilst she was here we discussed potential escorts and your names came up as potential replacements."

"So why aren't one of us on the mission?" John asked. "I have to admit sending Ronon seemed a bit strange."

"It was her choice." Woolsey said. "She preferred to go with a man she has barely spoken to in months rather than either of you."

"Why?" Lorne and Sheppard asked almost simultaneously.

"Because she is finding your behaviour overbearing."

"What behaviour?" John asked genuinely confused.

"Since she told us what happened to her you have changed how you treat her. You follow her round looking at her like she is a….a fragile bit of china that is about to explode." Seeing both men were about to protest he held his hand up to silence them. "I understand that you are concerned for her and you are feeling guilty but what she needs is to be treated normally. If you treat her like a victim she will feel like a victim. If you treat her as weak she will feel weak." He let his words sink in before adding. "Normally when it comes to matters of security I leave it to you as you are the experts. However, I feel that I must intervene this time. It has been brought to my attention that you have arranged a security detail to follow Dr Keller round the city."

"Um yes. How did you find out?" John asked.

"That is not important. It is my understanding that Dr Keller has no idea that you have done this?"

"That's right. We didn't think she would appreciate it." John said.

"Well indeed. So instead you are having two men following a woman who was sexually assaulted round the city, without her knowledge. I am sure you mean well but what happens if they get too close one evening? What do you think Dr Keller will think is happening?" He then leaned back and added. "I know you want to protect Dr Keller and help her recover, but there are better ways. Right now she needs you as friends not protectors."

-00-

Jennifer checked her last patient of the day trying to ignore the headache that had fully taken hold. Happy the patient was okay Jennifer stood and immediately started coughing. Each cough causing her head to feel worse. Groaning she walked over to the makeshift desk and started packing up her supplies.

"All done?" Major Teldy asked entering the small building.

"Yeah, just packing up."

"You okay? You don't look great."

"Think I have a cold." Jennifer said before sneezing.

"Cold or a virus from this planet?" Teldy asked.

"More likely the cold that was going round Atlantis." Jennifer said coughing, before conceding. "But I should be quarantined, just in case."

"I'll let Atlantis know." Teldy said. "Try to get some rest."

Thirty minutes later Ronon entered the hut and was concerned to see Jennifer lying on a bed wrapped in blankets.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he sat down by Jennifer's bedside.

"I'll live." The doctor croaked. "Sorry you got stuck here."

"No problem. You want some water or medicine."

"Taken all the medicine it is safe to take." Jennifer replied. "Just need to sleep it off now."

Not convinced Ronon walked over to Teldy and asked.

"Should we get a doctor here?"

"She says it is just the flu. We'll monitor her for now. If she gets worse we'll call for help."

-00-

For the next few hours Ronon paced the hut watching Jennifer's condition deteriorate. Whilst Teldy was away fetching some food from the villagers he became more and more concerned by Jennifer. Moving over to her he saw she was drenched in sweat and burning up. Not wanting to heat her further he paced from a distance and was about to radio Teldy to demand that she requested back up when he heard whimpering.

Seeing Jennifer was gripped by a nightmare Ronon hurried over to her side and tried to wake her. As the doctor continued to thrash in her sleep Ronon gripped her shoulders and gently shook her. The movement was enough for Jennifer's eyes to fly open. Seeing a dark figure above her holding her down she started to panic, lashing out trying to free herself.

"Get off me." She screamed, causing Teldy to run in and see the struggle.

"Jennifer, it's Ronon." The Satedan said.

"Don't touch me." Jennifer cried. Seeing the fear in her eyes Ronon immediately let go of her and backed away.

"Get some more water." Teldy ordered, moving forward. "I've got this."

Ronon looked down at Jennifer then reluctantly left leaving the two women alone.

"Doc, it's okay now." The Major said sitting at Jennifer's bedside. "You're safe. Nothing is going to happen." Either comforted by Teldy's words or overcome by exhaustion Jennifer fell back into a fitful sleep.

-00-

"Major?" Jennifer croaked as she opened her eyes and saw Teldy watching her.

"Drink this." Teldy said placing a cup of water at Jennifer's lips. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore and weak." Jennifer said, coughing.

"Your fever broke a few hours ago so hopefully you are on the road to recovery." The Major said as the wind howled and rain lashed the hut.

"Where's Ronon?" Jennifer asked.

"Outside."

"But it sounds stormy. He should be in here." She said coughing.

"I need to ask you something first." Teldy said, her tone serious. "Before I do, I want you to remember that you are safe."

"Okay." Jennifer replied.

"Has Ronon attacked you?"

"What? No. Why would you think that?" Jennifer asked.

"During your fever you were having a nightmare. Ronon tried to wake you and you reacted badly, told him to get off you and you looked terrified. From where I was it looked like you were scared of him."

"Scared of Ronon? Never Ronon. Please get him."

Not one hundred percent sure she believed Jennifer, Teldy nodded and let a damp Ronon back in the hut. By the time he reached her side though she was already asleep.

-00-

The next time Jennifer woke she saw both Teldy and Ronon sitting by her bedside.

"Easy there." Teldy instructed. "Try drinking something." She immediately ordered. Once she was content that Jennifer had drunk enough she asked.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay I guess. Fuzzy. Tired." She replied wearily as she coughed.

"Take these." Teldy said handing Jennifer some more pills. Too tired to care what they were she swallowed them and shut her eyes waiting for her headache to subside. When she finally opened her eyes again she saw Ronon stare at her, his eyes full of concern.

"Hey. I'm sorry I scared you." Ronon said moving so he sat on the edge of the bed facing Jennifer.

"It wasn't you." Jennifer said. "I am not scared of you."

"But you are scared of someone." Ronon said.

"Not really." Jennifer said, coughing once more.

"I know what you heard makes you think you can't trust me, but I would never hurt you. Please don't lie to me."

"I'm not really. I don't believe in ghosts."

"Ghosts?" Ronon asked, looking over to Teldy who mirrored his confusion.

"Doesn't matter." Jennifer said.

"Yes it does." Ronon said, stronger than he had intended. He then cupped her face and forced her to look at him as he pleaded. "Why were you scared? Please tell me."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You'll think I'm weak, that it was my fault. I don't want you to think that."

"I don't think that. You are stronger than you know. Please tell me."

Jennifer looked into his dark swirling eyes and recounted her story once more. This time, for the first time, the tears flowed as she spoke. When she had finished Ronon attempted to bury his anger as he pulled her into his arms and comforted her. When she had finally stopped crying Ronon pulled back and wiped the spent tears from her face with his thumbs saying.

"What happened was not your fault. If anyone is to blame it is me. If I hadn't had that stupid conversation-"

"Don't, I should thank you. If it hadn't been for all your training I probably wouldn't have escaped." Jennifer said.

"As soon as you are better we start training again." Ronon said, pulling her in for another hug as Teldy watched feeling like a third wheel.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey." Sheppard greeted as Ronon entered the gym whilst he blocked Teyla's strikes. "The doc okay?"

"No."

"What happened? Has she relapsed?" Teyla asked, immediately stopping her attacks and looking at Ronon.

Ignoring the Athosian Ronon looked at John and asked.

"Did you know?"

"Yes, but not until two weeks ago." John said immediately knowing what Ronon was talking about.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ronon growled.

"It wasn't my place." John said calmly, relating to Ronon's anger. "I was told in confidence. She had enough trust issues without me betraying that confidence."

Ronon glared at John before accepting he was correct. Growling in frustration he added. "What happened isn't right."

"Damn straight it isn't. But we can't go back."

"So what do we do?" Ronon asked.

"I don't know."

"Then you are both idiots." Teyla commented, causing both men to spin and face her.

"Sorry, forgot you were there." John said sheepishly.

"Whatever has happened to Jennifer she has chosen to confide in you. You must return that trust with friendship and support."

-00-

"Mornin' sunshine. How're you feeling?" Laura greeted as she walked into Jennifer's quarters carrying a tray.

"Better than I was." Jennifer said from her bed. "How'd you get in?"

"I have temporary access to your quarters, until you have proven that you can take care of yourself." Laura explained, earning a muttered response from Jennifer, before the doctor asked.

"How's the leg?"

"It's fine." Laura replied, seeing the look Jennifer threw her way she added. "Seriously it's fine. I'm even able to lightly jog on it. But even if I wasn't aren't you the last person who should be giving advice on looking after oneself?"

"Funny."

"Wasn't joking, you had us all worried."

"Sorry."

"Just don't do it again." Laura said as she placed the tray down.

"Contracting, or not, a cold is not something within my power." Jennifer pointed out.

"Firstly, it was flu. Secondly, confining yourself to bed rather than going on a mission is."

"I'm in bed now." Jennifer pointed out.

"Yes you are, which leads me to my next question, is something wrong?"

"You just pointed out I had flu."

"Yes, had. You are almost recovered and your entire staff thought you'd try to work today. Yet, here you are."

"Resting, like I should."

"Resting, like you never normally do. So what's up? Has it got something to do with the dynamic duo?"

"Dynamic duo?" Jennifer asked confused.

"Your overly protective military might." Laura explained without explaining. Seeing the blank look on Jennifer's face she added. "Sheppard and Lorne. If it makes you feel better they have been told to tone it down a little."

"They have? By who?"

"Woolsey. He beat me to it. So they should be back to acting normal, for them."

"That's good I guess." Jennifer said.

"So are you going to come for a walk after your meal?"

"I don't think so." Jennifer said avoiding looking directly at Laura.

"Did something happen on the mission? Apart from the whole flu thing?"

"Not really. Kind of." Jennifer said.

"Care to be less cryptic?" Laura asked.

"I had a bad fever, which apparently caused me to have a few nightmares. Ronon tried to wake me from one of them and I kinda freaked out. Teldy saw and was convinced that Ronon had attacked me."

"What happened?"

"She banished Ronon from the hut. But he was concerned about me and refused to go very far so stayed outside the entire time, including the storm."

"That's either sweet or creepy." Laura commented. "Why didn't you explain he wasn't the bad guy?"

"I wasn't conscious. The fever didn't break for another day. It was only after I woke up and Teldy asked me if he had attacked me that she allowed him back in." Jennifer explained coughing again.

"And after he came back in?"

"I was drifting in and out for a while. But then I woke and I guess it was from all the cold meds but I wasn't thinking and I told him what had happened and Teldy was there as well. I don't want to see either of them."

"We better pray the enemy never gets hold of you, all they need to do is give you a drink or a cold remedy and you would be singing like a canary."

"That's not funny." Jennifer said.

"Sorry." Laura apologised. "You do know you can't hide in here forever?"

"I know, but a few days can't hurt." Jennifer said.

Before Laura could ask anything else Jennifer's door chimed.

"I'll get it." The marine said moving to the door, half expecting Ronon to be on the other side. Instead she found Major Teldy on the other side.

"Captain." The Major greeted. "Is Dr. Keller awake?"

"Yes Ma'am." Laura said backing away from the door to let the Major in.

"Doctor." Teldy greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Better thanks."

"Good." The Major said before looking at Laura and saying. "Can we get some privacy?"

"Umm sure." Laura replied glancing at Jennifer, guiltily ignoring her pleading look before leaving the room.

"How are you feeling?" Teldy asked.

"Okay I think. Sorry you got stranded out there." Jennifer said.

"Don't worry about it. How are you doing with everything else?"

"Getting there, fever induced nightmares apart."

"May I?" The Major asked pointing to a chair.

"Sure."

"I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I know at times it may not feel like it, but trust me there are people here who want to help."

"Colonel Sheppard and Evan keep looking at me like I'm about to implode. It's kinda disconcerting and off putting."

"Well they're men, good men." Teldy shrugged. "What happened to you doesn't fit into their view of the world. They're confused and by trying to help make it worse. Eventually things will get back to how they were with them, it'll just take time. But they're not the only people on base and there are better choices to get help from." Seeing the doubt in Jennifer's eyes she went on. "When I was first assigned to a unit I went on survival training. Part of it was to hunker down in a foxhole for twelve hours. I dug my hole and jumped in. A couple of hours later the CO joined me. Told me there was a change of plans and we were all doubling up due to the deteriorating weather conditions. Over the next few minutes he got closer then his hands started roaming. Told me there was nothing I could do, no one would believe a newbie over a seasoned vet. If I did say anything my career would be over."

"What happened?"

"I just lay there, too afraid to do anything else. When I finally got out of there I was too scared to report it. Thought it would ruin my career if I did. The worse part was I started to rationalise it and justify it. I convinced myself that groping wasn't really assault. So I did nothing. A few weeks later he got a new command in Iraq, I never saw him again, he never made it back. After that there didn't seem any point in reporting it. So I just lived with it. It took me a long time to come to terms with it and believe that I wasn't to blame. During that time my personal life was on hold. I only really moved on when I opened up and told someone. I'm not going to lie to you, it was hard. The worse part was the looks of pity that some people gave me. There is no escaping that. But talking does help and if you ever want to talk I'm here."

"Can I ask something?" Jennifer asked.

"Sure."

"If you were in that situation again what would you do?"

"Break his hands and make sure he couldn't contaminate the gene pool."


	11. Chapter 11

"Carson!" Jennifer greeted when she opened her door revealing the Scot on the other side. "When did you get back?"

"About thirty minutes ago." Carson greeted. "Just enough time to be checked out by your team."

"They're as much your team as mine." Jennifer said moving to one side to let Carson into her room. "How have you been?"

"Fine. Busy and for that I apologise."

"Why are you apologising?" Jennifer asked confused.

"Well, in the thirty minutes I have been back I have gathered that you have been having a hard time."

"What exactly were you told?" Jennifer asked.

"That you, in no particular order, had been kidnapped, shot, got bad flu, took on a Wraith and become very withdrawn. And that something had happened but nobody knows what. So want to fill me in on any details?"

"No. But you'll find out anyway so you may as well sit down." Jennifer said as she started to summarise the last few months to her friend and mentor.

"So the real question is how are you?" Carson asked as Jennifer finished.

"I'm okay." Jennifer said.

"I've known you long enough to know that is not entirely truthful young lady."

"You're right, but I'm getting there. Really." Jennifer said as her door opened.

"Dinner is served." Laura said carrying another tray of food.

"Laura?" Carson asked, not expecting to see the marine.

"Carson?" Laura asked in reply, also in shock.

Jennifer sitting in between them started feeling out of place so stood and said. "I just remembered I need to be somewhere. I'll catch you later." As she walked past Laura she whispered. "Second chances can be as good as a time machine."

Once Jennifer had left the room the pair continued to stand in shocked silence until Carson said.

"I've missed you."

-00-

"Doc." Ronon said as he approached the table she was sitting at.

"Ronon." Jennifer said looking up.

"Mind if I sit?"

"Sure."

"You feeling better?" Ronon asked.

"Yes, thanks."

"But not better enough to eat?" He asked looking at the food she was poking round her plate.

"What? Oh, not really hungry. Just got some food to kill time."

"Bored of your room?"

"No. Laura turned up at the same time as Carson was there so I thought I'd give them some space."

"So you're hiding down here whilst they're in your room?"

"Yeah."

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I'm okay."

"But you weren't at work today."

"Just following doctor's orders." Jennifer shrugged. Despite not being convinced Ronon let it slide.

"You should still eat. You need to regain your strength." When Jennifer didn't respond Ronon asked.

"How often do you have nightmares?"

"Not that often. Just when I'm tired, stressed or feverish."

"So all the time."

"Not that bad. Not anymore." Jennifer said weakly smiling.

"I'm sorry you had to go through it alone."

"Well as Laura points out that is my fault for being too stubborn to tell anyone."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I shouldn't have talked to McKay."

"Well, I shouldn't have listened to Anderson and Shaw." Jennifer pointed out.

"So what are you doing to help you sleep?" Ronon asked.

"Running and weights, neither of which I am meant to do at the moment. So if you have any ideas I'm all ears."

"I don't but Teyla might. I mean her meditation thing may help." Ronon suggested.

"Meditation thing?" Jennifer asked, half amused by his description.

"Yeah. She's not doing anything now if you want to try it." He said standing, offering his hand.

-00-

Teyla was trying carrying Torren round her quarters trying to get him back to sleep when her door chimed. Wondering who it was she opened the door surprised to see Ronon on the other side.

"Ronon. What can I do for you?" She asked as she continued to try and settle Torren.

"Did I wake him?" Ronon asked, looking slightly sheepish.

"No, he has been fussy all evening."

"Can I?" He asked reaching out and taking Torren who immediately silenced as Ronon took him, causing Teyla to shake her head.

"You have a surprising gift." Teyla commented. It was then she saw Jennifer standing off to one side.

"Jennifer! What brings you here?"

"Umm." Jennifer started only for Ronon to interrupt.

"If I take Torren can you help Jennifer?"

"Of course." Teyla said, unsure how she was meant to help Jennifer. However, she smiled at the doctor and said. "Please come in."

"I'll see you later." Ronon said turning and walking off with Torren.

"So how can I help?" Teyla asked, indicating that Jennifer should sit.

-00-

Thirty minutes after Jennifer had left her room Teyla radioed Ronon, wondering if she would see her son again that evening. Barely three minutes later the Satedan was standing at her door, her son still sleeping in his arms. Noticing Jennifer was not visible he asked.

"Where's Jennifer?"

"She left."

"By herself?"

"Yes."

"How was she?" He probed as he handed the sleeping baby back to Teyla.

"She was okay. I think she just wanted time to think."

"She does too much of that." Ronon commented.

"Maybe, but that what makes her her."

"She tell you?" Ronon asked following Teyla into her room.

"She did."

"I let her down."

"We all did." Teyla pointed out. "But it is not to late to help her."

"That's why I brought her here." Ronon said.

"Your faith in my abilities may be misplaced. I think you are in a better position to help." Teyla said.

"Why?"

"She misses your friendship."

"I don't know how to make it right between us."

"Try talking to her." Teyla suggested.

-00-

"Hey." Ronon called as he crossed their gym to where Jennifer was sat against a wall.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"I am. Thank you for taking me to Teyla."

"It helped?"

"Maybe. I didn't fall to sleep in the session so I am apparently better at it than you." The comment earning a smile from Ronon.

"You wanting to spar?" Ronon asked.

"I think I'm a bit off that."

"Then why are you here?"

"I feel safe here." Jennifer shrugged. "After he attacked me, this is where I spent the night. I can't explain it, but here I know I'm safe." She explained as Ronon slid down the wall and sat next to her.

"Does that mean you don't feel safe out there?" He asked concerned.

"Sometimes." Jennifer shrugged. "But tonight I'm just waiting here until I know I can get into my room."

"You want me to clear them out?" Ronon offered.

"No. They need time to talk." Jennifer said as the two fell into a comfortable silence.

"I miss our friendship." Jennifer said looking at the far wall. "Do you think we can ever get back to how we were, be friends again?"

"No." Ronon said.

"Thanks for sugar coating that." Jennifer said, taken aback by his answer.

"Things had changed before you heard that stupid conversation. Then you heard the conversation and you know I like you as more than a friend. I can't lie and pretend I don't have feelings. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to lie." Jennifer said.

"What do you want?" Ronon asked. Seeing Jennifer struggle to come up with an answer he added. "What do you want in life?"

"I…it'll sound stupid."

"No it won't. Tell me."

"I want to fit in. I want someone to come home to. Someone who likes me for me, not because they want something. Someone to look after me. Someone to trust, who trusts me. Maybe I have over thought this. What do you want?"

"You." Ronon stated simply.

"Even after I thought the worse about you and ignored you for months?"

"Always you." Ronon said.

Hesitantly Jennifer leaned towards Ronon until their lips were about to touch. At that moment though the doors hissed open, causing them to jump apart.

"Do you know how worried we have been?" Laura demanded, completely unaware of what she had just interrupted. "You can't just disappear in the middle of the night without your radio. Are you okay? You are looking are a bit flushed."

"She's fine." Ronon said glaring at the Captain.

"You sure?" Laura asked looking at Jennifer.

"I'm sure."

"I've got this." Ronon said still glaring at the Captain.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it." Laura said leaving the gym, wondering why they were both acting so strange. It was only when she was walking down the corridor that her mind replayed the scene as the door opened and she figured out what she had interrupted.

-00-

"I should go." Jennifer said.

"Don't." Ronon asked, holding Jennifer's hand. "We need to finish this." As Jennifer turned to face him and he saw the fear in her eyes he said. "After everything with Anderson I know you may not be ready. But I'm not going anywhere. I will always be here for you."

"I know that now, but I'm scared." She confessed.

"Of me?" He asked releasing her hand.

"No. Of me. I don't want to hurt you. I don't do relationships. Well I mean I have never done relationships. But I know they'll be hard work and I will make mistakes. And mistakes will mean hurting you and I don't want to hurt you, I've done that enou-" Jennifer rambled before being cut off by Ronon kissing her. When he pulled away and she sat silently he apologised.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why?" Jennifer asked, barely managing a whisper.

"Why what?"

"Why shouldn't you have kissed me?" Jennifer clarified as she started to think straight.

"Don't want to rush you. Don't want to scare yo-" He started only for Jennifer to silence him by kissing him. When she finally pulled away Ronon saw the doubt in her eyes and asked. "What is it?"

"What if I'm not enough?"

"Not enough for what?" Ronon asked confused.

"You."

"You are more than enough." Ronon said before kissing her again.

 **-The End**


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